LifeVestInside

A Friend

A friend is the person who is “for you” always, under any suspicion. He never investigates you. When charges are made against you, he does not ask for proof. He asks the accuser to clear out. He likes you as you are; he does not try to alter you. He likes your moods, and enjoys your pessimism as much as your optimism. He likes your success. Your failure endears you to him more. He is better than a lover, because he is never jealous. He wants nothing of you except that you be yourself. He is the one being with whom you can feel safe, with whom you can utter your heart, in its badness and its goodness. You don’t have to be careful. In his presence you can be indiscreet, which means you can rest. There are many faithful wives and husbands; there are few faithful friends. Friendship is the most admirable, amazing and rare article among human beings. Anybody may stand by you when you are right, a friend stands by you when you are wrong. The highest known friendship is that of a dog to his master. You are in luck if you can find one man or woman on earth who has that kind of affection for you and fidelity to you. Like the shade of a great tree in the noon day heat is a friend. A friend is an impregnable citadel of refuge in the strife of existence. It is he that keeps alive your faith in human nature, that makes you believe it is a good universe, he is the antidote to despair, the elixir of hope, the tonic of depression, the medicine to cure suicide. Whenever you are vigorous and spirited you like to take your pleasure with him. When you are in trouble, you want to tell him; when you are dying, you want him near. You give to him without reluctance and borrow from him without embarrassment. If you can live life fifty years and find one absolute friend you are fortunate. For the thousands of human creatures that crawl the earth, few are such stuff as friends are made of…

~ To my friend–Loren, Eileen Borgeson 5/1/72

KNOWING AND DOING

There is a big difference between Knowing and Doing. From my childhood, I remember being reminded that…“You know better”. As I have now become an adult, and having been an educator, I have discovered that not only children but also many adults ‘know better’ than they are doing! Let me remind you that Knowing something does NOT mean that you are Doing it. There is a big difference between the two. In fact, if one Knows that something is ‘appropriate’ and is not Doing it, there is the problem! I ask you to challenge yourself, NOW, to take just one thing that you Know is good for you either personally and/or professionally and begin doing it. In the future, when you are reminded of a good idea, please don’t respond with “I know that”, ask yourself simply, the important question… “am I doing this or can I improve?”

There are many good examples:

For Leaders: Sincere recognition and a sense of belonging are outstanding motivators. Agendas, calendars, goals, “to do” lists, listening pads, binders, visual aids, active listening, brainstorming, asking rather than ‘telling’, and Mission Statements are important Leadership skills and tools.

For Service Professions: Greetings, appropriate use of names, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, active listening, smiling, using listening pads, being punctual, assisting team members, and seeking solutions are vital for good service.

For Friends: A phone call, a note card, an email, even a text are kind deeds and signs of friendship.

For Parents and Spouses: Praising more than criticizing, reading together, laughing, playing, walks together, saying “I love you” or “I am sorry” are all beneficial for strengthening relationships.

For Ourselves: Exercise, eating well, education, play, smiling, working hard (and smart), hobbies, massages, hot baths, quiet time, rest, appropriate humor, making improvements, and being kind all add to self-esteem, happiness and well-being.

Note: Being human means we may momentarily forget what is right and appropriate. Being human means we sometimes get carried away with our emotions. Being human means we  sometimes act foolishly. However, we should always strive to do our best, we should move towards Excellence is our lives.

~ Loren D. Lasher

FORGIVENESS

“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.”

Our mind is like a garden and thoughts are the seeds/plants that occupy our garden. On our quest to have a bouquet of Peace of Mind, we must first remove the weeds, rocks, and contaminants from our mind garden. Forgiveness is an effective process to free us from the pain of past hurts.

Forgiveness is not forgetting, condoning or reconciliation. Forgiveness is a choice not to ‘carry’ past offenses. Forgiveness is the choice not to maintain hurt, pain and anger. Forgiveness means to give up ‘victimhood’. Forgiveness is to pull the weeds of the past from our mind garden. It is vital to be more in the present, looking positively towards the future. There is NO future in the past!

Forgiveness is only possible because we can make choices. We cannot control how others have behaved, but we can choose how we react/respond to unkindness and hurt. We can choose which thoughts occupy our minds today.

Several action steps will aid in Forgiveness.

1. Make the commitment to have greater happiness and Peace of Mind. The quotation, “Make the commitment and the resources come” reminds us that first, we need to make the commitment, the conscious decision for greater happiness. Make Love, Peace of Mind and happiness a Goal!

2. Acknowledge the past with such phrases as “in the past” or “up until now”. Such word/seeds imply that we are willing to leave the past…in the past! These phrases are a ‘rototiller’ for our minds.

3. Talk to yourself! Repeatedly saying to yourself positive statements/affirmations WILL help. “I enjoy living in the present” is a good beginning.

4. Write a letter and burn it! If there is something unsettled with a situation or a person, it might be good to write out your feelings and thoughts and then in a ceremony of ‘letting go’ set the letter ablaze and be done with it!

5. Take actions that support the Goal. Get professional help. Attend supportive workshops. Read books and articles that support Forgiveness. Be selective of the people with whom you associate. Associate with positive people. Speak words of strength and commitment for a positive future.

There is no one absolute path for Forgiveness. We cannot change the past. Fortunately, we can choose how we will live our life today; we can choose which thoughts occupy our minds. We can pull the weeds from our mind garden and plant seeds for bouquets of Love, happiness, health, and greater Peace of Mind.

~ Loren D. Lasher